.:shy:.

valentines day for everyone but me

no, this isn't a pity-party. just a very accurate description of how my valentines day went.

it started off like any other monday. except perhaps that i had to pack a bag of mini, veggie spring rolls for chaeli's valentines day at school. and then of course her little ziplock bag of tiny v-day cards.

which, by the way, i'm now embarrassed to have given. why? because chaeli didn't get ANY back. rather, she got little presents and loot bags instead. one was a miniature box in a shape of those chinese take-out cartons famously seen on retro sitcoms such as friends and seinfeld (do chinese take-out places really use those? because i've never seen one here in canada). it was so pretty that it alone was a more lovely gift then the iron man or tinker bell cards chaeli gave out. the little box was a translucent, plastic-like material with hearts all over it.

but seriously - it's not the amount of money put into these gifts but the time.

I'M A FULL-TIME WORKING MOM WITH A HUSBAND WHO EITHER WORKS LONG HOURS OR HAS NIGHT SCHOOL TWO TIMES A WEEK PLUS FULL WEEKEND DAYS WHERE HE IS OFF DOING FIRST AID OR OTHER SCHOOL STUFF!!! i mean... how can i ever compete?

anyway... so other then the whole v-day preparations to pack up, everything else was normal.

until... i stepped outside to our back patio/townhouse phase common area with hobbes so he can do his ritualistic business. and that's when i was greeted with a very unpleasant discovery.

to backtrack here, doug has been sometimes tying up hobbes to a very long rope and just setting hobbes out free. which has always lead to the argument of how doug then doesn't keep track of where hobbes is doing his business (number two, to be exact). still, doug swears that he'll collect it at the end of the day or first thing in the morning if he happens to be off or it's the weekend. which i always counteract with, "yeah, well, why is it that i have to pick up old piles of poop the next morning? like my morning isn't rushed already when you've already left the house?"

now, up until now, we've been having bouts of snowfall and very cold temperature. the past 48 hrs, however, has graced us with a warm front, thereby creating massive melting. so when i went outside, i saw to my horror about 10 or more piles of poop that had been covered with snow up until now... all melting and no longer solid anymore.

i know, it's gross, but i just HAVE to share this story because i feel justified to. see, doug's reasoning was that if he left the poop out for a bit, it would freeze and would be easier to pick up. well, true - IF HE HAD PICKED ALL OF THEM UP! evidently, he either missed a few and as mentioned above, the rest was just covered with fresh bouts of snow by the time he did go out, which he would come back claiming that hobbes must have not done his number two business earlier ithat day because he didn't find anything.

this is where i let out a big fat, HA!!! YEAH RIGHT!

so there i was, in my work clothes, trying to scoop up soggy, old dog poop for the next 10 minutes. i used 3 poop bags, realized THAT made a mess and switched over to regular grocery bags (at least you can say that we recycle). i ended up using in total, 5 bags. you might wonder why i just didn't leave it for doug. well, as mentioned in a previous entry, we have a leaky roof situation. the common area is just that - a common area. people use it to cross over from one neighbour to another and there are plenty of grandparents who are home taking care of toddlers and preschoolers while the parents are off working. it would only take one to notice the filth in our backyard and complain directly to property management.

now is especially not the time to piss management off - we need them to quicken their very snail-like pace in recitifying this leaky roof issue. it was a question of vindiction or taking the responsible path in making sure our house doesn't collapse on us.

as for the rest of the day, i was definitely not in a romantic mood. and felt even more pathetic when hobbes came home from doggy daycare with a valentines card for himself. i mean, he's a dog. and he got one, not from the people who work there and care for him, but from another dog.

i was all like, "seriously? the dog gets one and rather then just getting nothing for myself, i spent the first part of my valentines morning picking up old, soggy dog poop? has it come to this?

that's when doug said to me, "i'll get you a card!"

"and that's going to make up for it? getting me a card after valentines day is over? do me a favour - leave me alone for the rest of tonight."

i'm sure you can decode what i meant by that last statement.

he said, she said - with holly's

doug has this superstition tradition - you have to have some wrapping left to do on christmas eve.

i'm not sure exactly who he thinks he married to but if he took a moment to understand how his wife works, he'll know that i certainly can not stand leaving anything to the last minute.

and wrapping gifts the night before christmas just before actually placing the presents under the tree and in the stockings, isn't how i ease into the christmas festivities.

even so, this year, i figured i'd leave two presents to wrap last minute. and thankfully, the family member i'm wrapping it for could sit there watching me wrap both of his gifts for the entire time and STILL be mega excited when he gets it the next morning. because really, what do dogs know about surprises? we do it for ourselves, not for them.

so - one toy and one treat. both for the dog. to be wrapped on christmas eve.

and as a side note, i seriously can not believe christmas is just three days away. i woke up thinking, "well, i suppose the count down begins" except that the count down had really begun long ago. but for me, i basically have been putting the thought of christmas on hold during the week because i'm more concerned about taking my christmas holiday without stressing and worrying about all the work waiting for me when i get back in the new year.

which is, unfortunately, why i'll be bringing work home with me.

vinyl cafe, udon and more baking

i's been a really, really, ultra-short weekend. simply because it's been just so much fun that time flew by way too quickly.

chaeli stayed at my parents place for a 2-night sleepover - and i so needed this. a break from motherhood even if just temporary. doug and i did a lot - things we had to do and things we wanted to do. after all, it's all about striking that balance:

• friday night, we went over to my aunt's and uncle's where hobbes was staying during the day. since chaeli and my parents were not joining us this time, we took the opportunity to get some spicy indian food. of course - yum! winter and spicy food (especially if curry is involved) is my comfort food from the cold. sure, sure - i love a mean stew every now and then. but it just doesn't beat some of my favourite spicey foods - indian, west indies, thai, just to name a few.


• i did take saturday morning to do things on my to-do list - p90x cardio-x and cleaning the house. afterwards, though, doug and i got to doing some more baking which we will finish up today and then sort all six kinds into several tins to be handed out this week. feels good to almost be done. as much fun as it was, it does take up a lot of time. i'm not at all sure if we'll be doing this each year. but if we do, i need to try and do it in november and then just put the cookies in the freezer. it's nice to have one less thing to do in december, since preparing for the holiday festivities is already jam-packed as it is.


• we went to see stuart mclean's christmas tour last night and like last year, it was not at all a disappointment. what i love about his stories are that they are not just hiliarious but touching and humble and down-to-earth. they are fictional characters but over the many, many years (close to two decades?) these characters of dave, morley, sam, stephanie and arthur the dog have become so real and so very much part of our lives.


• before heading to the show, doug and i stopped at the grange for some japanese noodles. same place as where we went last time. the service is fast and with our two dishes and two appetizers, the whole meal came out to less then $30 after tax and tip. plus, the piping hot steam coming from the food was like a warm blanket from the winter evening walk.


• hobbes was a great sport. we rarely leave him on his on for more then five hours - if even that! but due to the show starting late and the traffic coming home, he was pretty much on his own for almost eight hours. but he did really well - no accidents and the kitchen wasn't in a mess when we got home (well, his toys were everywhere but that was to be expected).

so we're now off to do a little shopping and to go meet up with my parents and chaeli for some all-u-can eat sushi! hopefully, if the weather does not get too crazy, we'll also be picking up our tree on the way home.

chest pain dialogue

wednesday afternoon, i started to experience some mild chest pains. they would come and go - nothing painful but definitely there. i pretty much knew it was a mild panic attack that was causing this symptom. i could feel it whenever i was struck with stress. but it lasted until thursday afternoon which totally sucked.

anyway, that night, the dialogue went something like this:

me: i'm having chest pains still. i think i'm having a heart attack.

doug: you're not having a heart attack.

me (30 minutes later): i think i'm dying. do you think i'm dying? i could be going into cardiac arrest like right now.

doug: i really don't think so.

me (10 minutes later): man, i'm dying and you don't even care. you could be like... wifeless by the end of tonight! and chaeli would have to grow up without a mother!!!

doug: you're fine.

sometimes i think the only reason i acquired a husband is for the purpose of having some one to bug. just like this.

book introduces same-sex relationships

as mentioned yesterday, the topic of same-sex relationships came up in our household over the weekend. since then, i've been on a search to find a good book to read to chaeli. i think i've found just the one:

Starred Review. PreSchool-Grade 3-This tale based on a true story about a charming penguin family living in New York City's Central Park Zoo will capture the hearts of penguin lovers everywhere. Roy and Silo, two male penguins, are "a little bit different." They cuddle and share a nest like the other penguin couples, and when all the others start hatching eggs, they want to be parents, too. Determined and hopeful, they bring an egg-shaped rock back to their nest and proceed to start caring for it. They have little luck, until a watchful zookeeper decides they deserve a chance at having their own family and gives them an egg in need of nurturing. The dedicated and enthusiastic fathers do a great job of hatching their funny and adorable daughter, and the three can still be seen at the zoo today. Done in soft watercolors, the illustrations set the tone for this uplifting story, and readers will find it hard to resist the penguins' comical expressions. The well-designed pages perfectly marry words and pictures, allowing readers to savor each illustration. An author's note provides more information about Roy, Silo, Tango, and other chinstrap penguins. This joyful story about the meaning of family is a must for any library. - Julie Roach, Watertown Free Public Library, MA

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

mommy - why are those two boys kissing?

i've always thought of myself as one of those parents that would raise her daughter to grow up with tolerance. and to fight discrimination.

(which should be interesting - because given the reactions of my SIL and BIL upon seeing two men hold hands at a park when they came a couple of years ago, i'm not at all sure how they are going to bring up my niece and nephew. because as their aunt, i would be really tempted to teach them the right way of tolerance.)

so the other day, we were watching will smith's hitch flick when smith's character, hitch, asks his client to show him how he will be doing the whole 'end of the date first kiss' move. the client took it somewhat too literally and planted one on hitch's mouth.

it was at that exact point where chaeli gives a big, "EWWW! TWO BOYS KISSING??? THAT'S GROSS!!!"

i was surprised and shocked. but why should i be? we haven't discussed same-sex relationships. at all. and it's not that i have been avoiding it. i just didn't think i would bring it up until the questions started to come out.

and while i totally get that the ew-reaction is quite normal for kids her age, i suppose it was wishful thinking on my part that one day she would just come home, put her backpack on the table and say, "mom... we need to talk. some one told me today that canada allows same-sex marriages. what's that all about? i thought men could only marry women. and women could only marry men. i'm confused and i need you to set the record straight."

okay - so i know it wouldn't have played out exactly like that. but the reaction she gave made me feel like i had failed to stop THAT way of thinking before it started taking over the way she thought on the matter. i know, i know... not the end of the world here. but i can't help but to wonder that if i had started this talk earlier, it would have made things easier.

so now i'm looking into some literature out there - good books for kids - to read to her.

not easy. there's a slew of books out there about sex education but i haven't found ones specifically dedicated to same-sex relationships. other then one book that discusses sex education and grazes over the topic of sexual orientation.

but there's got to be something - even a children's fictional book called something to the likes of 'i love my two mommies/daddies.'

anyway, i can't wait to find something good. and then tell my in-laws about it. *big grin*

things i want to say to you...

random things i want to tell people i know but for whatever reason, am held back - some of these statements might even be true for more than one individual in my life:

i feel like we're drifting apart.

you're better looking then you realize - honest.

i just don't trust you.

the world is not out to get you, but you seem to want to take down the whole world.

i would love to take a tour of your soul.

i can never be alone in a room with you - you intimidate me too much.

too busy to be a geek

i've been trying to not complain so much about my daily grind. i did enough of that back in september when our lives were suddently dropped into two different universe at the same time - that being grade 1 and hobbes. both requiring a lot of attention and care.

and the reason why i've been trying hard not to complain so much is because while my days come with challenges, in the grand scheme of things, i can't complain.

i simply can not complain about the life that i lead because it is filled with wonderful family and great friends. i love the little things that catch me off guard, as well. from the smile of a toddler at starbucks a few days ago to the sound of the rain one late evening during that one hour between chaeli's lights-out and my own bedtime which lended a moment of tranquility.

or even the fact that i'm still doing it - still getting up at 5-something-am to do p90x and being able to feel how hard it's working my muscles. yes - even the soreness i'm feeling right now is giving me this understanding that because i can feel it, it symbolizes that i am here. in this world, no matter how small and insignificant, i am still participating in this on-going universe.

yet if i can just take the universe's time - a very small moment of time, really. i mean, if you were to really think about how old this universe is and how long it would take for it to just hear me out, it's just the smallest percentage of a fraction of it's time.

some things i have not had any time for...

1. shopping - aside from one pair of black pants, all other work clothes are still dependent on one single belt to hold them up.
2. playing 'the sims 2' - i got it as a christmas gift two years ago and have thus far only created one family... how sad is that?
3. take a bath - not that i don't cleanse myself. i shower daily. but i mean a nice, long, pampering bath. it's been awhile since i've been able to just sit there and soak the stress away.
4. read a book - it's been so long that my library card is about to expire.
5. get a massage.

i got one of those forward-emails yesterday where they asked a bunch of grade 2 kids questions about mothers. one question asked them what their mom does in her spare time.

the reply?

"mom doesn't have any spare time."

sad but true.

oops i did it again

last year, i asked our bodypump instructor if she could include a past chest release with staggered push-ups for doug's next class with her.

she said, "oh sorry, but i don't have releases that old."

i replied, "oh - that's okay."

"but don't worry. i'll make EVERY single track really hard."

"every track?"

"every track!"

oops... i turned to the girl next to me and said, "my husband's going to kill me, isn't he?"

fast forward to today...

the instructor said, "from now until the end of the year, you guys are going to pick one track where you'll up your weights. so? which is it going to be today... pick from 2 to 8!"

she looked at me. i did't know what to do. so i answered, "two."

"two it is - everyone? up your weights for the squats track."

"wait... did i just answer for EVERYONE?"

"yes you did!"

all i could do was look around with an embarrassed grin and meek 'sorry'.

it was too late, though. people were moaning and grumbling already...

you see, i just made one of the toughest part of the class THAT much harder.

needless to say, i didn't make many friends today.

party, party, party

when my manager wished me a good weekend at the end of friday, he asked me what my plans were...

i didn't bother telling him that doug would be gone both days - he's currently, as we speak, practising scenerios in what they call a burn tower. basically, the building is lit on fire and they learn methods of estinguishing the flames. it's part of the practical portion of his course which he loves.

but i don't know why i didn't tell my manager - i suppose i was afraid it might turn out to seem like i'm venting/whining. which i'm not really. i'm happy for doug - but i would admit that i wish it were just one day because i do really love having him home. especially on sunday's.

anyway, so i said to my boss, "nothing much."

he replied, "that's good!"

"well, just one party. tomorrow night."

"parties... again. you guys always have some party going on."

"well, tame parties. like the ones that end no later then 10pm."

somewhat not always true - they can go late but i knew we would have to leave early on the account of doug's early sunday morning and the fact that hobbes would need some relief before 11pm.

but not completely untrue when compared to the days of coming home at 6:30am. seriously. it hurts just remembering those days. it physically hurts. no amount of coffee could mend an all-nighter like that. these days, i would have to take at least half of week's vacation just to recooperate.

anyway - while we're missing doug this weekend, we've been doing what we can.

yesterday it was kenpo in the morning, cleaned the bathrooms and the master bedroom, open house for chaeli's grade two of next school year (which i'm not even ready to think about so, in hindsight, wasn't really into the open house - as impressive as it was), took hobbes to a new dog park (which the volunteers covered with these big wood chips - note to volunteers: if you want your dogs to run around and play, pieces of wood just makes them want to lie down and chew on them) and then home until doug got home.

the party last night was fun. but i'm finding that because of how busy we are, i'm loosing concentration at around 9pm. it's not always like that but last night, it certainly was.

anyway, i think my favourite conversation last night went something like this:

me: "yeah, i really wish some of the other husbands were participating in movember."

friend: "i think it's a great awareness."

other friend: "yeah - it's sweet that he's doing it."

me: "but that's the point. if he was actually doing it for the awareness, i would totally understand. but he's only doing this because it gives him the excuse that he just can!"

it's the honest truth, i'm afraid.